We only wanted a drink of water. Then some bright spark put the bottle cap on a bloody lead, and now we have to wrestle the bottle. What a shit invention, mate.
EU rules require lots of caps to stay attached. Well, we've come to have a moan. At this rate we'll need an appointment just to take a sip.
We'd just polished off one of our pizzas. The three of us grabbed the bottle, Braulio unscrewed it and leaned in. The cap smacked his nose.
“Shift over, you bastard. I breathe through there.”
He pushed it aside. Turned the bottle. Back came the cap.
“What do you want from me? A kiss? Go and piss off a bigger bottle.”
Nicanor wandered over with that smug face that makes you want to flick someone's hat off.
“Give it here. You just don't know how.”
The cap caught the end of his moustache.
“Don't pull. Don't pull. DON'T PULL!”
“There's our expert. Short on water, swimming in confidence.”
We had to sit down because we were laughing so hard. Nicanor clung to his moustache while Braulio patted his back.
“Breathe, sunshine. You can still use your nose. Mine's already had a visit from the cap.”
Plenty of brains, apparently. Nobody thirsty
We think turning something this simple into such a pain in the arse is fucking daft. Open, drink, close. We'd cracked that one already. Who asked for the cap to hang around being a nuisance right in front of your mouth?
We'd give whoever came up with this a sandwich stuffed with dry shortbread and their clever little bottle. No cup. With us beside them, slow-clapping.
“Go on, genius. Drink. We're watching. Careful with that neck. You'll end up looking behind you.”
Braulio tried holding the cap with one finger. A drop went straight down his shirt.
“Lovely. A shower too. Did you test this on people, or was the whole thing approved by a roomful of printers?”
Nicanor fetched the cups. We poured while holding the sodding cap aside, then sat on the table's edge with our boots dangling. At last, the water was going where it bloody well should.
Braulio raised his cup and glared at the bottle.
“To the bright spark.”
“You're actually toasting them?”
“Yeah. Next time, they can try their own fucking idea first.”
